I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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