I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
