I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
