Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
