I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
