I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
