You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
