from now on my penis is your penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
