Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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