Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
