Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
