Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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