Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
