3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
