I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
