he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
