You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you had me at cake vodka
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize