Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
and she was petting her beer can
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you will always have a special place in my vag
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
