her facebook's as public as her vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
