Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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