saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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