and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
