her vagine was all disorganized.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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