And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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