is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
