Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she smelled like a LAN party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
