1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
