at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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