the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
