I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
