wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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