and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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