If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
