You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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