He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
