I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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