Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize