im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
