the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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