Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
