Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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