Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
