Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
