uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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