I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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