Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
