Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize