I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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