Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
