i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
