i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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