apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize