she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
