I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
