Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
