I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize