There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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