sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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