She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
