I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
