wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
