at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
