So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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