Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
